Eulogy for Calvin Cassady,Jr

Eulogy for Calvin Cassady, Jr. – Delivered by Calvin Cassady, IV

March 10, 2014 – Parker Mortuary, Joplin, Missouri

He began his life on a farm in Oklahoma as an only child during the depression.  Following graduation from high school he entered college and began working toward a degree in education. He began his teaching career on a provisional teaching certificate before he completed college. His work in education was to spanned three decades.

 Before finishing his bachelor’s degree he also became a husband and a father.

Growing up during the depression did much to influence his values. He believed in honesty, education, and hard work. He believed in teaching the difference between right and wrong and that one was rewarded for a hard day’s work. He raised my brother and me with those same values. He passed those values along to the students, teachers and parents that he encountered in his educational adventures. One of his favorite sayings was there is an easy way to do something and a hard way to do something. He wanted us to be able to recognize the easy way thus simplifying our efforts and making more efficient use of our time. His goal as a parent and as an educator was to insure the growth of educated, happy, responsible adults.

My mother was also an educator.

 Under the watchful and loving guidance from our parent, our family grew. Combining the efficiency of my father and the accepting and caring qualities from my mother Tom and I also enjoyed successful careers as teachers, as did our wives Vicki and Kathi.

Our lives as a family took several turn. With the addition of wives and grandchildren life was good for Dad.

 For dad tragedy struck in 1990. On their way home on a cold, February evening, my parents were involved in a traffic accident that was to take the life of my mother. As a family we enjoyed a strong faith. Since God lifted me from a fiery auto crash, and returned me to the world of the living, we believed. When the doctors said that it would take a miracle for my mother to survive that should be no problem. God had intervened and allowed me to live and he would do the same for mom.

Dad had lost his love, and the loss was too great. His life and his faith began a downward spiral. Try as we did to comfort him and support him, he became more and more distant. Wandering through this wave of hopelessness and loneliness, he found Sue. She became his loving companion for twenty-one years. God had acted and lifted him up.

 

Recently Dad’s health started to take an unexpected decline. In his own words, “This mystery ailment just snuck up on me.” It robbed him of his mobility, it robbed him of his strength, it robbed him of his speech and other cognitive functions, and it robbed him of his confidence. It also robbed him of his pride.  His hair and his beard had gone without grooming for weeks. His full head of hair streamed down his back and he had a full scraggly beard

He had just about used up every bit of his free will before as a family we were able to convince him to see a doctor. He had always been in good health and had always done everything he knew to keep in good health. He felt defeated, confused and afraid.

I knew when he left his house that day that the eventual outcome was going to be between HIM and God.

The doctor’s early diagnosis was that dad was suffering from Congestive Heart Failure and Failing Kidneys. Tests revealed that dad had experienced one or possibly a series of heart attacks leaving his heart badly damaged. The damaged heart had compromised the kidneys and dad was retaining fluid and was experiencing swelling everywhere.

Faith was again an issue for this family. I prayed daily prayers of support for God’s intervention in my father’s life. God knows what’s best. The best I could do was support his plan. It was kind of interactive. Was it easy? Not at all. Many times I really wanted it to be just the way I wanted.

The hospitalist diagnosis was grave. Dad had less than a one percent chance of surviving.

Shocking News, yet I continued to pray in support of God’s plan. Late in the evening when I was alone with him for just a few minutes, He opened his eyes wide and reached out with both hands and he spoke these words, “What a Beautiful Place.” He then dropped his hands and fell back to sleep. 

We left Dad in the care of the doctors that first night. While his life hung in the balance he did survive.

Knowing dad’s physical health was critical, my wish for him was to live long enough to experience the goodness of humanity and find a Peace that has been eluding him for twenty-four years.

The next day Dr. DeHoyas, a heart specialist at Mercy, wheeled his stool up to dad’s bed, looked at him with his wild hair and scraggly beard and declared that my father was Moses in Egypt and he was going to help him reached the Promised Land. Dad responded well to this man of medicine and man of God.

Dad spent 10 days at the hospital. This was during the Christmas Season and we used this time to strengthen our Hope and Faith and explore God’s Grace and to continue our quest for Peace. The doctors did what they could to make him stronger.

On the 27^th of December dad left the hospital to become a resident at St. Like’s nursing facility in Carthage.

Was the fact that he survived his hospital stay a Miracle?

You bet it was!

But Miracles are more than just an event. It’s how that event affects the future that validates the miracle.

Dad was at the nursing facility for 65 days. During that time this totally independent, very private person became totally dependent on his fellow man. A man that avoided crowd was eating his meals in a lunchroom full of people, strangers. Even in his fragile state he knew that he had more than many. He followed instruction and tried his best to do what he was asked to do. He appreciated those whose job it was to make him comfortable, and they appreciated him.

While at St. Luke’s Sue was there, every day she could get there, to feed him lunch and dinner.  During that time I also tried to spend at least one meal with him. Our families did what they could to make him feel comfortable. During this time it was hard to communicate but we all got to know each other better.

For the most of his stay he remained optimistic and tried very hard, but there were few victories and things seemed to be staying the same. He began to lose his appetite and began to have more bad days than good. Sue commented that on one visit he held her hand and ask, “Are You the angel that came to take me away.” And on another occasion he made the discouraging comment, “This is a terrible place to have to spend your life.”

When they called a week ago at 4:15 in the morning and reported that his temperature was falling and they were having a hard time getting it back, and that his pulse was also dropping to a dangerous rhythm my thoughts were as before, this is between Dad and God. I felt with those symptoms he was going to silently slip away.

That morning was one of the worst of the winter as the roads were icy covered with about 4 inches of new snow, with temps in the single digits. It took forever and when we arrived I was ready for the worst. When I visited him in the ER, he was awake and had a sparkle in his eyes. His temperature was bouncing back and his pulse was back in a normal rhythm. That moment of victory was short lived as ER doctor announced that he had a bladder infection that was septic and they would have to transfer him immediately back to Mercy in Joplin.

At Mercy, they began immediately to treat the infection but before the end of the day they felt the need to send him to Lankmark Hospital where they could began an aggressive assault of the infection. They were also considering dialysis to combat the kidney failure.

His last days, Dad was more tuned-in to family and what was going on around him. Knowing his diet limitations he was asking for Junk food and a Coca-cola. When listening to the merits of pea-soup, he added that it was also good for your metabolism.  When he again asked for a soda, he was told he could have juice or nectar. He broke in and said I want Fizz. (he spelled it FIZZ).

He referenced a statistic from somewhere declaring that 15,000 people die each year in hospitals and they’re not even sick.” We had some good times and some good laughs.

His last day began in an agitated state. He wouldn’t wake up and this was making his vitals hard to pick up on the machines. Sue came in, took his hand and said, “Calvin, Wake-Up,” his eyes opened only slightly at first and then seeing it was her they opened all the way. They had a sparkle and his face broke into a full grin.

He was restless but became more relaxed. He was enjoying the company and was again in a joking around. He told the nurse that if there was any service in this place they’d get him some scrambled eggs and on a other occasion he wanted a Hamburger and a Coca-Cola.

While other had stepped out for some dinner, Dad and I were again alone. He was resting quietly after a big day. Suddenly, he again raised he hands to the heavens and opened his sparkly eyes wide. He again recited these word, “What a Beautiful Place, just beautiful.” He turned to me as if he snapped out of a trance and began talking about traveling and taking trips. We talked for a while and then I stepped out for a few minutes.

When I returned the room was full of family. He was tired and appeared ready to go to sleep for the evening. He was very peaceful, breathing at a normal face and had such a calm look on his face. Sue kissed him on the cheek and without waking him we left.

About three hours later the hospital called and said that he had passed quietly.

 God opened the heavens to reveal the Beautiful Place, for a second time that afternoon.

Dad fought hard, but he couldn’t turn down a better offer. That was between him and God.

His Faith was restored both in man and his God.

He had found Peace.

He had reached the Promised Land.

Now my parents can oversee our activities once again together as our guardian angels in Heaven.

Sue has a new great grandson on the way and the rhythm of life continues.

I thank God for his intervention in my dad’s life and I am grateful for the role I played in it.

 

Today’s service is a result of strong family values that hold us together. I want to thank Kathi for the music, Rebecca for the flower arrangements, Sarah for over-seeing the picture boards, and all the family members for their input.  A special thank you to St. Philip’s Episcopal Church for the luncheon.  Thank You all for your attendance and May the Peace of the Lord Be With You.